Proud to be BLACK

I am Black and I am proud.

Just because I am Black, no one should put me down

That is how God wanted me to be.

I am Black and I am proud.

Just because I am Black, people should not exterminate me

I am an equal occupant of this world.

The only thing that makes the world better is diversity. If I have a different skin color,

If I have a different view and opinion, if I practice a different religion, If I think you don’t govern well and I speak out, that still does not give you a right to want exterminate me.

I am suffering. My children are being killed, my wife, mother and sisters are gang raped in front of me then brutally killed. My sons are abducted, and even killed, right in front of my eyes. But Still I stand to tell you, I shall not give up without a fight.

I live in fear, with my family and friends, but still we shall not give up. I hide in caves and mountains, feed on wild plants and fruits, all this spurred by your brutality and heartlessness.  I shall still stand up for what I believe in. I might not be able to change the circumstances, yet. I may not be able to stop you, yet. But I shall not give up.

As you stand by and watch, as you wait for my demise, I am keen to tell you that NO, you cannot finish us all. They tried that in Rwanda, they did not succeed. They tried it in Darfur, they did not succeed. So even now I tell you, you shall not succeed. You cannot finish us all. And among those remaining I stand to tell you that I will fight for our cause.

The Sad Reality

Been working on some research project for a while now. Today I have stared at my computer screen and I could not type a word. My mind just went blank, Sleep Mode. I guess I am just engulfed in my own thoughts and worries. Damn world! Plus I haven’t written in a while.

My research is conflict in the Horn of Africa. I’m focusing on Somalia and all the interventions that have come along with the conflict that has gone on since time immemorial. I never knew how bad this was, until I started ardently reading and getting information on what to write for my research project, and ever since I started working at an NGO.  I guess I have been in my own world. I have always thought that after I get my degree in International Relations and Communication, I can just come in and attempt to change the world.  Oh how I have been disappointed by my findings.

The world seems to have many kind hearts, with genuine intentions of making the world a better place. We sing about it, we talk about, people discuss about it, but it is one of the hardest things to achieve. Our world is realist, I have come to realize. I am not being an academic in this post; I am just relaying my thoughts. In university, I learnt so many theories. But to me, the one that fits this world is Realism.  In a nutshell, Realism says the world is all about Power, Money and such. This is true. We all dream to have money, power, and influence.

So sad is reality. Reality which is no one does anything, unless they have something to gain. It’s all culminating to an inhumane world. Conflicts are not as simple as I made them out to be. I used to think UN, AU and IGAD can just come up and Woooop say for example Somalia is in crisis, there is conflict, Let us send a fact finding mission then a peacekeeping mission, call for disarmament; call for complete cease fire, call for humanitarian intervention and it all folds out that way. Again, how I have been disappointed. I am relentlessly asked to send out letters to the bodies that have a mandate to protect us and "determine the existence of any threat to the peace, breach of the peace, or act of aggression" and to take military and nonmilitary action to "restore international peace and security (UN charter, chapter VII). It all still comes down to, am I gaining something? What is in it for me? We keep organizing meetings with so many high profile bodies. But it all amounts to writing more letters, writing more appeals, sending out the humanitarian situation reports out to show the urgency and need.  I thought all we had to do was say, "Hey, stop killing people!". But it's much more complicated than I ever anticipated. Every actor that can do something will not do it if they have no gaining point. And NOTE: People are dying, raped, displaced and tormented.   Conflict is inevitable. There is never a time that there is no conflict. Why? Because from that conflict, someone else is gaining, selfishly, if I may add. It’s all about power, egoism, and personal interests. Let people die, as long as I am gaining from it. Our world is sadistic. I find that so sad, so mean, so inhumane. I don’t even know how to best put it.

This is not to say that all efforts have failed. The Rwanda case, as much as it came too late, had led to the arrest and trials of prominent figures involved in the 1994 Genocide. Too late because yes, justice is prevailing now, but had the international community intervened then, then not so many people would have died. In my opinion, If Rwanda had oil, maybe they would have intervened sooner. The damage would not have been as gruesome as it was. In Sudan, it has succeeded to some part. I say this because the Comprehensive Peace Agreement was signed. But still, the international Guarantors  are not holding on to their promises of making sure all is implemented. There is still a lot of conflict in Sudan border areas, that are spilling into South Sudan. Conflict, a huge one, is now looming there. Annnndddd...We are still waiting on the Regional and international bodies to send a fact finding mission, and agree to a ceasefire and push for unimpeded humanitarian access to the area and so on. Annnnnd, people are dying, hungry,they cannot cultivate meaning there will be , or there already is famine, women are being raped, kids are being bombed around. But what to do but wait for the resolutions to be passed as the powerful ones take their time in making decisions sipping on their cups of tea and coffee, expensive vodkas and smoking cigars in their peaceful homes. Maybe if they were in such a vulnerable position, they would understand.They would understand how it feels to watch your kid, wife, mother, relative die. Not die, but killed, murdered, bombed, shot at, raped, right infront of your eyes. And you cannot do anything about that fact. Maybe then, they would understand. But they are comfortable, they do not FULLY know what is happening, they may not even care, but they are the ones we are waiting on so that something can be done. Sigh.

Anyway, I shall not stop dreaming of a free peaceful world. I shall not stop dreaming that the world will be full of Anuradha Koiralas and Narayanan Krishnans. I will not stop dreaming of a world where children will sleep and play peacefully and grow up well, without fear. They do deserve that. I may just be dreaming, but as long as it makes me sleep better at night, and as long as I am trying to make it that way, then I shall not stop dreaming. Besides, I feel that we dream for something and go for it, not matter how difficult it may be. So I shall continue to dream.

I guess this is how the NGO world works, so this too shall be my motto and my mindset, because I am not giving up for the sake of Humanity!

I cannot allow these people to die, people who have come to me for help
with death staring them in the eyes. Whatever punishment may be
imposed on me, I know I should follow my conscience.

-- Chiune (Sempo) Sugihara 

                     There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice,

but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.

-- Elie Wiesel

Tell Me Why

I guess I rant a bit too much. But who can blame me if that's what I feel? Don't get me wrong, I am not a bitter person, nor am I so negative. I guess I just feel disappointed by so many things in life. I stumbled across a song by Declan Galbraith. He's quite young in the song, 'Tell me Why', I'm guessing he is now around 20+. But just the fact that a kid like him can be so troubled and puzzled about how our world is makes me love the song even more.

Nazi Germany

He says that in his dream, children sing a song of love for every boy and girl. Laughter is the language of the world. But  what  does he have to do to be a man. Does he have to stand and fight to prove to everybody who he is. I'm quoting this from his song. Literally, he is wondering why but figuratively he is speaking to us all. He doesnt understand why the world has to be like this.Why don't people give a helping hand to the people who need it. People might give a helping hand, but then again it might not get to those who need it.If we can get aid for free education in kenya and suddenly a HUGE chunk 'goes missing'? My guess is someone BIG was involved. But (s)he already has more than enough why deny those who need it?

Nazi Germany

This song always has the power to make me feel weak inside. Makes me want to cry. Makes me so sad and angry. But as people say 'the world in chaos is bigger business than a world in peace'. This statement, as sad as it is, is so real. Its always problem after another. Nazi Germany.Why? Coz they felt that the other races are impure and wanted to cleanse the country ethnically. Rwandan Genocide. Why? Coz of problems carried forward from time immemorial. Then what? Let's kill the other tribe so that we can take over everything. They are left scarred for life, both emotionally and physically. Why?

Scarred from Rwanda genocide

War in Iraq, not war but occupation. Why? Coz President Bush felt he wanted the oil more than the people of that land. Weapons of mass destruction my foot. Women of Iraq were being raped. Not just women, small, young girls! The soldiers would go into people's homes and just torment them. Kill my parents infront of me, who cares? Rape me infront of my parents and my brothers, rape my mother infront of me!!They could no longer live in peace. The Abu Ghraib prison where so many were ashamed, humiliated, tortured by the US army. Why?

 

Kenya, Post election violence 2007. Why? One party/One tribe feels that it is better than all the rest.  So let us kill them, instill fear in them then we can take power. That may not be the sole reason for the PEV, but as usual, it is about power! But WHY? So many were killed, so many are still displaced.

Now our people die of hunger. In my opinion, the MPs don't give a shit. In my opinion, the only reason that the 212 or is it 214 MPs (whatever the number) gave 6 million Kshs is because of the shame they felt when Kenyans gave so much for their people. You tell me, they benefit from OUR money (taxes), which they dont have the shame to pay because they think the cost of living is high, then they cant even give abit more to feed our dying Kenyans? Weren't those images on TV bad enough? Weren't they heart breaking?

 Then they go on to say no records of dying kenyans have been put forward to them. SO WHAT? If it is Somalis in the refugee camps here, SO WHAT? Aren't they humans too? Aren't they hungry? Aren't they dying? But seeing the selfish nature of humans, as long as they have full tummies when they sleep, then who cares? TAXES!! Cost of living is high my foot! Waheshimiwas pocket so much but cannot pay taxes. People who earn much less pay for your salaries and your trips to the hague to support people suspected of murdering and causing so much pain to Kenyans. To support your own you say. Well if you can support those accused of such atrocties, which to me are paramount to crimes against humanity, then why can't you support those dying of hunger?

South Sudan. Why? Other people feel they are much better and they deserve it all. The black people might as well be slaves. Who cares? Let your forces kill them and rape their women. Let the government send the armed forces to kill them, bomb them, then deny that any civilians are being targeted. You bomb civilian population. Then you deny that the people of Sudan are being murdered! Well, technology shows us body bags and mass graves. Let them not farm. They may as well die. They cannot even go to church, because the places where people feel safest are being targeted. No outside assistance being let in yet these people cannot farm because you bomb them.Mass starvation might just be the logical next. Humanitarian assistance not allowed. Fine, African soultions to African problems. We have time and time again proven that this notion is hard to sustain. In my opinion, if the international community would not intervene in so many situations, e.g Sudan, it would have been catastrophic. If there had been foreign internvention in Rwanda, the amount of dead people would not have been that high. Millions dead? Is this really the way to treat human beings? What happened to humanity? I could go on and on, there is the case of blood diamonds in Sierra Leone, there is Palestine, but I'm sure you've gotten the drift!

Question of foreign intervention raises many questions, which I will opinionate another time. May be good, May not be good. But foreign intervention created the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, where I have worked and seen powerful people such as the then Prime Minister of Rwanda (and other leaders from Rwanda) being charged and imprisoned for the genocide in Rwanda. Yes it shall not bring the dead  back, but again, it's Justice. They leave the court room all meek and humble, makes me feel sad for them especially after their sentencing. But if they can treat another human being in that manner, for whatever reasons, then well they deserve it. No impunity for them!

I could go on and on but my rantings have lost direction. I might not be heard but putting my thoughts down gives me a satisfaction I cannot explain. It makes me feel like a heavy load has been lifted off my chest. This kid singing wonders why. Where has the face of humanity gone to? Why is it that those who care can make little change and those who are supposed to be helping us don't give a damn? Why do we have to hurt and kill each other? Why?

All in all, I have lost faith in our leaders. I feel that queuing up to tick against one of those images of the leaders or to be leaders is a waste of time. Why? Coz most never live up to their promises. They lie and cheat and make false promises that never benefit us. Actually, they leave us in worse states. Money to help the youth, they pocket. Money for constituency development, they pocket. Food to aid those in need, they convert it into money which they pocket. Fees to help the children who cannot afford to get an education, they pocket. I still dont understand how they do that. Greed? Selfishness? Why are they so shameless? If I could meet them up and ask one question, it would just be 'Tell me Why'!

I cry for MY people-The Dying Kenyans

I have been watching the news with alot of sadness and heaviness in my heart. Each day I see those little babies, with swollen stomachs and ribs you can visibly see enough to count. Oh my, I cry for the children of Kenya. It breaks my heart. Our MPs are here whining about taxes, they get almost a million plus allowances for cars and entertainment. They are living off our money and they dont have the decency to feed those dying babies. And here they are screaming and pleading for our votes. They keep saying that if we vote for them, they will do this and that. Well, waheshimiwa, you are in power now. Show us what you can do NOW. Do not lie to us with promises of tomorrow yet you can do it today. Those babies are dying. Those women and men are dying. Well, I plead to Kenyans, since they are not doing it, for the sake of humanity, for our sake, for our fellow Kenyans, we can do something. We might not be able to save them all, but for those we can help and save, LETS. Lets save lives. We dont need to wait on the government to do it. We have power in numbers, lets save our people.
Another issue that has been on my mind is the IDP's. They are displaced, they are sleeping out in the cold and have little to eat. Some of them sleep hungry. And I totally blame the government. With their greed and yearning to hold power (total REALISTS) we fought each other to put them in those seats. Yes, these people we were fighting to put in power were in their cozy beds, in their high class houses watching from afar. Yes, when we were running around with the police, they acted like  they will demonstrate with us. In the news that day, when the tear gases and cat chases erupted, the dear Waheshimiwas had their chauffeur driven cars to come and sweep them off those areas and the wananchis were running around, beaten up, tear gassed and what not. We lost!  We are hungry and we are cold. They are not. Here they are asking for salary raise because the cost of living is high. Oh yes it is. But we feel the pinch more. The IDPs feel the pinch more. The people dying of hunger feel the pinch more. The money you are rolling around in is Kenyan Tax Money. What are you doing for us?

Many Kenyans have so many problems that go unnoticed. I am ranting. I may not be heard and no action may be taken. But I will do something. Even if I will save just one life, I will do it. I will have done a better job than all of you (waheshimiwas) put together. And I will not stop ranting. I will not sit and wallow in the troubles of my people and feel sad and do nothing. Neither will the Kenyans and other people who can. When I can help, I will!! 

In other news, Follow this link and see what this EXTRAORDINARY girl, Lana, a 7 year old is doing for our people dying of hunger. Check it out  Here

***Black Rainbow Pearl-Origins***

My friends have been constantly asking me why i call myself  Black Rainbow Pearl when clearly I am not black-well i dont think so-not inside not outside. Infact, Im a yellow yellow. Well here goes....When we were studying for Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (K.C.S.E)Mock exams, yes seems like quite a long time ago..I was in a state of panic. I remember we were studying for a Biology paper, which was one of my favorite subjects, but that day i felt overwhelmed. There was so much to read for and there was no time, literally. The paper was the next morning and I just felt like I could not handle it. So in my state of panic, I took my jumper in class and covered my head and started reading-crying, in a bid to make all the body systems and functions plus all the other biology stuff sink in. My friend, and soon to be doctor, Mbatha Wambua, came to me. She was the only one who had noticed, with no words spoken, of the fear and panic I was facing. She sat on my desk with a handwritten note. Nothing fancy, but the love in the content made me sooo rejuvenated. It was a plain white paper, coloured lightly in rainbow colors and words, I cannot quote it word for word but I have kept that note since then. 

Yes many many years. Something about how Rome was not built in a day and I have to take stuff slowly, one day at a time. She told me how she believed in me and how i can achieve anything I want to. With that, she sat with me and we went through our biology mwakenya's-in my state of panic I got the feeling that I knew nothing and I had to read from the textbook- She told me it was not practical and that we could go through the mwakenyas(short notes). " Lulz, you have been studying hard since form one there is no way you have forgotten everything at this time". And she was right.I actually did very well. She believed in me when I did not even believe in myself.
That rainbow became my motivator since then. I have been studying since form one there is no way it had all vanished when I needed to have most of the information to put in writing the next day.


She drew for me a rainbow, a sign that despite all the rain, there is something magical in the skies that makes it all better. The rainbow, the sign Noah got  from God after the floods that took away all the evil people. That rainbow gave me so much motivation that I have had it since then. It reminds me, with the risk of sounding cliche, that Yes I can.She calls me Black Pearl. My name, Lulu , is the swahili word for Pearl. And my darling Mbazz always told me that I am a Black Pearl, because it is rare, it is magical and special. And she is my Rainbow. She was my sign that all is not lost that I could still score in that Biology paper many years ago. And not just in Biology, but in all aspects of life. I just have to work at it and do my best. Today, I am doing what I have always wanted. Human rights work. It makes me happy and gives me fulfillment that I can never ever explain. So Madam Doctor, thank you very very much. For believing in me, for being my friend, my mentor and the girl who always believed that I could. Mbatha is my Rainbow, I am her Black Pearl, hence the name : Black Rainbow Pearl.

Weekend with Fun people

On Thursday my friends called me for a nice night out. I hadn’t been out clubbing in a while since I got to Malaysia and my exams were over so I decided why not. Quite an eventful night with me crowning myself as Jesus Christess to all the crazy people pestering me. I wish I could describe the looks on their faces when I said my 'name'. Had a lot of nice laughs and a lot of fun thanks to the ROC Boys and the cool ladies I was with. Ended up spending the night with Michelle, Wav and Kat. In a nutshell, AWESOME night.

No hangovers the next morning but with all the fun we didn’t get too many pics but the memories shall forever be etched in my mind. At 4pm I got a call from my brother from another mother and my best boy in Malaysia, Jeev, that we should drive down to Johor at around 6pm. We had planned this trip for so long but with our busy schedules, ahem, we kept postponing.  It’s just about 4 hours away and we all needed a break from our everyday boring monotonous lives I was like oh well, why not. Heck, it’s going to be a weekend of chilling, playing games, quiet and fun. What better way to chill and have a break than that!!!                                                                            

The trip’s culprits are my best boy Jeev, Shabeen,my princess and best girl Aroo and me. We all got to Jeev’s car, checked that the car was good then went to pick Shabeen. We stopped at burger king for some take out as we were all hungry. Then we got into the car and started our fun weekend with me narrating stories of Jesus Christess and all the fun I had had the previous night. We had a stop somewhere in the middle of our journey, had our burgers and started the pic whoring as we envisioned our nice weekend and hogged on the burgers. Got to Johor around 1 am. It was abit of a blur but I remember playing games and everyone deciding they were too sleepy and we wanted to go to the waterfall in the morning.

Shabeen feeling all Tarzan :)

Talk about serenity. I don’t think it gets any more serene than this. We woke up early and went out for breakfast. We had some nice roti with egg and tea, too delicious. If I could, I’d drive down to Johor every morning just for breakfast.  After breakfast we drove down to the waterfalls. Excitement checked in and we were all yapping and yapping. We got there and immediately started searching for a nice spot, one with a litu natural slide. We got a nice spot and started enjoying the scenery and the water.It was really really cold. Again I repeat, AWESOME. We swam with the fishes, slid and just had a nice time. The pic down here is of the boys trying to catch some fish. We saw them, swam with them, gave them a whole packet of crisps but the boys could not even catch one :)

Jeev consoling me about the cold water

Sunday we chilled, had lunch with jeev’s folks then drove back down to the rather noisy Kl. Good thing about is we all went down for Salim's surprise bday party, which Aroo and Jeev had to plan on the drive from somewhere on the way back. And the good thing about that is i got to see baby Aleesha. Gotta love her.  


Not much to blog but the pics say it all. On another note, I really shall miss Malaysia. I have made the best of friends who I now consider my family. You guys, Arukho and Jeev especially, shout out for all your love. You guys are too real. And thanks for the wonderful time I had, not just this past weekend but all the times we go crazy J Shera, Wav, Davie, Dj Connect, Joey, Melo thanks guys for an awesome night out. It was just amazing.

xoxo

In my World

In my world, women are not just the objects of desire. Women are not just the sex underneath the male one. In my world, women are not to be raped because people think they deserve it, because they are worthless. The girl child will be educated because they deserve to. They will not be ignored and the male child will not be given consideration before her. Women will not be subjected to certain jobs because the sex above them can do the other better. Well, in my world, what a man can do a woman can do…even better!!! In my world, women will not die while giving birth, because the government fails to include their sexual reproduction and health rights into their policies. Women will not be shamed because they have their menses or because their breasts have started sprouting. In my world, they will not have a doubt that their needs will always be looked into. Because of the greatness they have within them. We are a legend.

In my world, children are the jewels of the earth. The beauty of the world. Children are the cause of joy and happiness. And they deserve to be given the best. In my world, they will not die of hunger because the government is unwilling to fill their little tummies. They will not have to sleep hungry because I plan to be their mama. And God will send the manna from heaven. In my world, they will not have to be laden with work when they can play and have a normal childhood. They will not be forced to be laborers when they can go to school. They can play in the park until it’s almost dark. They can have their hopes augmented; they will not be prevented from having a normal childhood. I will help them put all their hopes in a locket, which they can store in their pockets. I believe in their cute little hearts that just want to have a smart start so that they can reach their stars. There will be no child abuse, because in my world people have brains to know that these are our stars. They just need a guiding hand, not a slapping hand. They do not want to be raped, so I will adorn them with a super cape. The world will protect them. In my world, I will have a banquet for them, and watch them as they rocket to greatness. For I see the greatness in the little generation.