Tell Me Why

I guess I rant a bit too much. But who can blame me if that's what I feel? Don't get me wrong, I am not a bitter person, nor am I so negative. I guess I just feel disappointed by so many things in life. I stumbled across a song by Declan Galbraith. He's quite young in the song, 'Tell me Why', I'm guessing he is now around 20+. But just the fact that a kid like him can be so troubled and puzzled about how our world is makes me love the song even more.

Nazi Germany

He says that in his dream, children sing a song of love for every boy and girl. Laughter is the language of the world. But  what  does he have to do to be a man. Does he have to stand and fight to prove to everybody who he is. I'm quoting this from his song. Literally, he is wondering why but figuratively he is speaking to us all. He doesnt understand why the world has to be like this.Why don't people give a helping hand to the people who need it. People might give a helping hand, but then again it might not get to those who need it.If we can get aid for free education in kenya and suddenly a HUGE chunk 'goes missing'? My guess is someone BIG was involved. But (s)he already has more than enough why deny those who need it?

Nazi Germany

This song always has the power to make me feel weak inside. Makes me want to cry. Makes me so sad and angry. But as people say 'the world in chaos is bigger business than a world in peace'. This statement, as sad as it is, is so real. Its always problem after another. Nazi Germany.Why? Coz they felt that the other races are impure and wanted to cleanse the country ethnically. Rwandan Genocide. Why? Coz of problems carried forward from time immemorial. Then what? Let's kill the other tribe so that we can take over everything. They are left scarred for life, both emotionally and physically. Why?

Scarred from Rwanda genocide

War in Iraq, not war but occupation. Why? Coz President Bush felt he wanted the oil more than the people of that land. Weapons of mass destruction my foot. Women of Iraq were being raped. Not just women, small, young girls! The soldiers would go into people's homes and just torment them. Kill my parents infront of me, who cares? Rape me infront of my parents and my brothers, rape my mother infront of me!!They could no longer live in peace. The Abu Ghraib prison where so many were ashamed, humiliated, tortured by the US army. Why?

 

Kenya, Post election violence 2007. Why? One party/One tribe feels that it is better than all the rest.  So let us kill them, instill fear in them then we can take power. That may not be the sole reason for the PEV, but as usual, it is about power! But WHY? So many were killed, so many are still displaced.

Now our people die of hunger. In my opinion, the MPs don't give a shit. In my opinion, the only reason that the 212 or is it 214 MPs (whatever the number) gave 6 million Kshs is because of the shame they felt when Kenyans gave so much for their people. You tell me, they benefit from OUR money (taxes), which they dont have the shame to pay because they think the cost of living is high, then they cant even give abit more to feed our dying Kenyans? Weren't those images on TV bad enough? Weren't they heart breaking?

 Then they go on to say no records of dying kenyans have been put forward to them. SO WHAT? If it is Somalis in the refugee camps here, SO WHAT? Aren't they humans too? Aren't they hungry? Aren't they dying? But seeing the selfish nature of humans, as long as they have full tummies when they sleep, then who cares? TAXES!! Cost of living is high my foot! Waheshimiwas pocket so much but cannot pay taxes. People who earn much less pay for your salaries and your trips to the hague to support people suspected of murdering and causing so much pain to Kenyans. To support your own you say. Well if you can support those accused of such atrocties, which to me are paramount to crimes against humanity, then why can't you support those dying of hunger?

South Sudan. Why? Other people feel they are much better and they deserve it all. The black people might as well be slaves. Who cares? Let your forces kill them and rape their women. Let the government send the armed forces to kill them, bomb them, then deny that any civilians are being targeted. You bomb civilian population. Then you deny that the people of Sudan are being murdered! Well, technology shows us body bags and mass graves. Let them not farm. They may as well die. They cannot even go to church, because the places where people feel safest are being targeted. No outside assistance being let in yet these people cannot farm because you bomb them.Mass starvation might just be the logical next. Humanitarian assistance not allowed. Fine, African soultions to African problems. We have time and time again proven that this notion is hard to sustain. In my opinion, if the international community would not intervene in so many situations, e.g Sudan, it would have been catastrophic. If there had been foreign internvention in Rwanda, the amount of dead people would not have been that high. Millions dead? Is this really the way to treat human beings? What happened to humanity? I could go on and on, there is the case of blood diamonds in Sierra Leone, there is Palestine, but I'm sure you've gotten the drift!

Question of foreign intervention raises many questions, which I will opinionate another time. May be good, May not be good. But foreign intervention created the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, where I have worked and seen powerful people such as the then Prime Minister of Rwanda (and other leaders from Rwanda) being charged and imprisoned for the genocide in Rwanda. Yes it shall not bring the dead  back, but again, it's Justice. They leave the court room all meek and humble, makes me feel sad for them especially after their sentencing. But if they can treat another human being in that manner, for whatever reasons, then well they deserve it. No impunity for them!

I could go on and on but my rantings have lost direction. I might not be heard but putting my thoughts down gives me a satisfaction I cannot explain. It makes me feel like a heavy load has been lifted off my chest. This kid singing wonders why. Where has the face of humanity gone to? Why is it that those who care can make little change and those who are supposed to be helping us don't give a damn? Why do we have to hurt and kill each other? Why?

All in all, I have lost faith in our leaders. I feel that queuing up to tick against one of those images of the leaders or to be leaders is a waste of time. Why? Coz most never live up to their promises. They lie and cheat and make false promises that never benefit us. Actually, they leave us in worse states. Money to help the youth, they pocket. Money for constituency development, they pocket. Food to aid those in need, they convert it into money which they pocket. Fees to help the children who cannot afford to get an education, they pocket. I still dont understand how they do that. Greed? Selfishness? Why are they so shameless? If I could meet them up and ask one question, it would just be 'Tell me Why'!

I cry for MY people-The Dying Kenyans

I have been watching the news with alot of sadness and heaviness in my heart. Each day I see those little babies, with swollen stomachs and ribs you can visibly see enough to count. Oh my, I cry for the children of Kenya. It breaks my heart. Our MPs are here whining about taxes, they get almost a million plus allowances for cars and entertainment. They are living off our money and they dont have the decency to feed those dying babies. And here they are screaming and pleading for our votes. They keep saying that if we vote for them, they will do this and that. Well, waheshimiwa, you are in power now. Show us what you can do NOW. Do not lie to us with promises of tomorrow yet you can do it today. Those babies are dying. Those women and men are dying. Well, I plead to Kenyans, since they are not doing it, for the sake of humanity, for our sake, for our fellow Kenyans, we can do something. We might not be able to save them all, but for those we can help and save, LETS. Lets save lives. We dont need to wait on the government to do it. We have power in numbers, lets save our people.
Another issue that has been on my mind is the IDP's. They are displaced, they are sleeping out in the cold and have little to eat. Some of them sleep hungry. And I totally blame the government. With their greed and yearning to hold power (total REALISTS) we fought each other to put them in those seats. Yes, these people we were fighting to put in power were in their cozy beds, in their high class houses watching from afar. Yes, when we were running around with the police, they acted like  they will demonstrate with us. In the news that day, when the tear gases and cat chases erupted, the dear Waheshimiwas had their chauffeur driven cars to come and sweep them off those areas and the wananchis were running around, beaten up, tear gassed and what not. We lost!  We are hungry and we are cold. They are not. Here they are asking for salary raise because the cost of living is high. Oh yes it is. But we feel the pinch more. The IDPs feel the pinch more. The people dying of hunger feel the pinch more. The money you are rolling around in is Kenyan Tax Money. What are you doing for us?

Many Kenyans have so many problems that go unnoticed. I am ranting. I may not be heard and no action may be taken. But I will do something. Even if I will save just one life, I will do it. I will have done a better job than all of you (waheshimiwas) put together. And I will not stop ranting. I will not sit and wallow in the troubles of my people and feel sad and do nothing. Neither will the Kenyans and other people who can. When I can help, I will!! 

In other news, Follow this link and see what this EXTRAORDINARY girl, Lana, a 7 year old is doing for our people dying of hunger. Check it out  Here

***Black Rainbow Pearl-Origins***

My friends have been constantly asking me why i call myself  Black Rainbow Pearl when clearly I am not black-well i dont think so-not inside not outside. Infact, Im a yellow yellow. Well here goes....When we were studying for Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (K.C.S.E)Mock exams, yes seems like quite a long time ago..I was in a state of panic. I remember we were studying for a Biology paper, which was one of my favorite subjects, but that day i felt overwhelmed. There was so much to read for and there was no time, literally. The paper was the next morning and I just felt like I could not handle it. So in my state of panic, I took my jumper in class and covered my head and started reading-crying, in a bid to make all the body systems and functions plus all the other biology stuff sink in. My friend, and soon to be doctor, Mbatha Wambua, came to me. She was the only one who had noticed, with no words spoken, of the fear and panic I was facing. She sat on my desk with a handwritten note. Nothing fancy, but the love in the content made me sooo rejuvenated. It was a plain white paper, coloured lightly in rainbow colors and words, I cannot quote it word for word but I have kept that note since then. 

Yes many many years. Something about how Rome was not built in a day and I have to take stuff slowly, one day at a time. She told me how she believed in me and how i can achieve anything I want to. With that, she sat with me and we went through our biology mwakenya's-in my state of panic I got the feeling that I knew nothing and I had to read from the textbook- She told me it was not practical and that we could go through the mwakenyas(short notes). " Lulz, you have been studying hard since form one there is no way you have forgotten everything at this time". And she was right.I actually did very well. She believed in me when I did not even believe in myself.
That rainbow became my motivator since then. I have been studying since form one there is no way it had all vanished when I needed to have most of the information to put in writing the next day.


She drew for me a rainbow, a sign that despite all the rain, there is something magical in the skies that makes it all better. The rainbow, the sign Noah got  from God after the floods that took away all the evil people. That rainbow gave me so much motivation that I have had it since then. It reminds me, with the risk of sounding cliche, that Yes I can.She calls me Black Pearl. My name, Lulu , is the swahili word for Pearl. And my darling Mbazz always told me that I am a Black Pearl, because it is rare, it is magical and special. And she is my Rainbow. She was my sign that all is not lost that I could still score in that Biology paper many years ago. And not just in Biology, but in all aspects of life. I just have to work at it and do my best. Today, I am doing what I have always wanted. Human rights work. It makes me happy and gives me fulfillment that I can never ever explain. So Madam Doctor, thank you very very much. For believing in me, for being my friend, my mentor and the girl who always believed that I could. Mbatha is my Rainbow, I am her Black Pearl, hence the name : Black Rainbow Pearl.

Weekend with Fun people

On Thursday my friends called me for a nice night out. I hadn’t been out clubbing in a while since I got to Malaysia and my exams were over so I decided why not. Quite an eventful night with me crowning myself as Jesus Christess to all the crazy people pestering me. I wish I could describe the looks on their faces when I said my 'name'. Had a lot of nice laughs and a lot of fun thanks to the ROC Boys and the cool ladies I was with. Ended up spending the night with Michelle, Wav and Kat. In a nutshell, AWESOME night.

No hangovers the next morning but with all the fun we didn’t get too many pics but the memories shall forever be etched in my mind. At 4pm I got a call from my brother from another mother and my best boy in Malaysia, Jeev, that we should drive down to Johor at around 6pm. We had planned this trip for so long but with our busy schedules, ahem, we kept postponing.  It’s just about 4 hours away and we all needed a break from our everyday boring monotonous lives I was like oh well, why not. Heck, it’s going to be a weekend of chilling, playing games, quiet and fun. What better way to chill and have a break than that!!!                                                                            

The trip’s culprits are my best boy Jeev, Shabeen,my princess and best girl Aroo and me. We all got to Jeev’s car, checked that the car was good then went to pick Shabeen. We stopped at burger king for some take out as we were all hungry. Then we got into the car and started our fun weekend with me narrating stories of Jesus Christess and all the fun I had had the previous night. We had a stop somewhere in the middle of our journey, had our burgers and started the pic whoring as we envisioned our nice weekend and hogged on the burgers. Got to Johor around 1 am. It was abit of a blur but I remember playing games and everyone deciding they were too sleepy and we wanted to go to the waterfall in the morning.

Shabeen feeling all Tarzan :)

Talk about serenity. I don’t think it gets any more serene than this. We woke up early and went out for breakfast. We had some nice roti with egg and tea, too delicious. If I could, I’d drive down to Johor every morning just for breakfast.  After breakfast we drove down to the waterfalls. Excitement checked in and we were all yapping and yapping. We got there and immediately started searching for a nice spot, one with a litu natural slide. We got a nice spot and started enjoying the scenery and the water.It was really really cold. Again I repeat, AWESOME. We swam with the fishes, slid and just had a nice time. The pic down here is of the boys trying to catch some fish. We saw them, swam with them, gave them a whole packet of crisps but the boys could not even catch one :)

Jeev consoling me about the cold water

Sunday we chilled, had lunch with jeev’s folks then drove back down to the rather noisy Kl. Good thing about is we all went down for Salim's surprise bday party, which Aroo and Jeev had to plan on the drive from somewhere on the way back. And the good thing about that is i got to see baby Aleesha. Gotta love her.  


Not much to blog but the pics say it all. On another note, I really shall miss Malaysia. I have made the best of friends who I now consider my family. You guys, Arukho and Jeev especially, shout out for all your love. You guys are too real. And thanks for the wonderful time I had, not just this past weekend but all the times we go crazy J Shera, Wav, Davie, Dj Connect, Joey, Melo thanks guys for an awesome night out. It was just amazing.

xoxo

In my World

In my world, women are not just the objects of desire. Women are not just the sex underneath the male one. In my world, women are not to be raped because people think they deserve it, because they are worthless. The girl child will be educated because they deserve to. They will not be ignored and the male child will not be given consideration before her. Women will not be subjected to certain jobs because the sex above them can do the other better. Well, in my world, what a man can do a woman can do…even better!!! In my world, women will not die while giving birth, because the government fails to include their sexual reproduction and health rights into their policies. Women will not be shamed because they have their menses or because their breasts have started sprouting. In my world, they will not have a doubt that their needs will always be looked into. Because of the greatness they have within them. We are a legend.

In my world, children are the jewels of the earth. The beauty of the world. Children are the cause of joy and happiness. And they deserve to be given the best. In my world, they will not die of hunger because the government is unwilling to fill their little tummies. They will not have to sleep hungry because I plan to be their mama. And God will send the manna from heaven. In my world, they will not have to be laden with work when they can play and have a normal childhood. They will not be forced to be laborers when they can go to school. They can play in the park until it’s almost dark. They can have their hopes augmented; they will not be prevented from having a normal childhood. I will help them put all their hopes in a locket, which they can store in their pockets. I believe in their cute little hearts that just want to have a smart start so that they can reach their stars. There will be no child abuse, because in my world people have brains to know that these are our stars. They just need a guiding hand, not a slapping hand. They do not want to be raped, so I will adorn them with a super cape. The world will protect them. In my world, I will have a banquet for them, and watch them as they rocket to greatness. For I see the greatness in the little generation. 

Mr. X

Dear Mr. X,

I am writing to you today because it is time for me to say good bye and get on with my life. The time has come for me to go onto the next chapter of my book. It is not easy, I must honestly say. But neither is being with you. It has been wonderful.  The road has been full of joy and happiness, and bad times too. But what is love if it doesn’t have bad times. We must see the rain for us to appreciate the sunshine, no? 

But now it is time for me to let go. I have been holding on, to all the memories, to all the little things we used to do, to the fact that I am so used to you. Those are some of the reasons that made me stay on. But we changed. You more than me. So now it’s time for me to let go. The little things we used to share is now history. 

Well, it has been wonderful, this chapter of my life, but not so much anymore. It seems I am just holding on to nothing. All we have now are excuses, we are moving on to different things…And that girl you had the other day, well I found out. I did not tell you because I don’t want to mess up our last night together. Today I will light up the scented candles and call you up to spend the night with me. I will fill the bath tub up and we can have a bath together, just like we used to before. I will make your favorite dinner,put on the music you so much enjoy, and put a smile on your face.  I will ask you to bring for me flowers, just like you used to. Just to rekindle what we used to have. For the last time. So that I can hear your hearty laugh once more. So that I can remember how it used to be. Then I will say goodbye. I know I will have tears in my eyes, I know you will try to make me stay. But today, I am intent on moving on. I am intent on telling you that the time has come. Time for me to find myself again. Time for me to be happy again. Time for me to remember how it used to feel…

Not because I don’t love you, but because the time has come to say goodbye…

Not the ONE

Been onto something… Love laden writing let’s say. Courtesy of Sanaipei Tande and Dan Aceda-Not the one song. So true! How do you know when the one you’ve loved for so long is not the one? At what point? After you have shared all those moments you do not picture yourself sharing with anyone else, or after you have been together long enough for you not to imagine yourself with any other person? Is it the fear of being alone that makes you stay, the fear of being on ‘your own’, or the heart break pain that makes you linger on just abit longer?

After all the rain comes sunshine…after all the tears and pain, that you will eventually surface from, there is the smile and joy that will come after...Yes it may take time. And yes it will be painful. But after all that there is rebirth. You will see that there is a reason why. And maybe sometimes it is not worth it. Let go, what you waiting for? If the good times have been replaced by inner torture and turmoil...Then no need J it’s your life, it’s all about you. When it gets to that point, hard as it may be, let it be. Maybe that one who is not the one is one of the frogs you meet on your way to find the prince. Well not prince. But the one! There is no prince as I said in my one of my posts. All those are utopian kinda stuff. What we see on fairy tale, Bollywood and Hollywood movies. Does not happen in real life J

So when the times comes for you to pack your shit and leave, do so. With your head up high, like the woman of substance you are. With optimism!! Cry, scream, and get it all out. But know in the end, the sun will shine so bright. The rain will be long gone. And even when it comes back, it will be sunshine filled. Not the never ending storms. Remember there is a reason why the people in your past don’t make it to your future!!! And in reality, no matter how hard you try to fix a broken relationship; compare it to a broken mirror, you may try to fix it, eventually you might succeed, but you can still see the cracks in the reflection.Well, what you waiting for?!!