Saturday 28 May 2011

Mr. X

Dear Mr. X,
I am writing to you today because it is time for me to say good bye and get on with my life. The time has come for me to go onto the next chapter of my book. It is not easy, I must honestly say. But neither is being with you. It has been wonderful.  The road has been full of joy and happiness, and bad times too. But what is love if it doesn’t have bad times. We must see the rain for us to appreciate the sunshine, no? 
But now it is time for me to let go. I have been holding on, to all the memories, to all the little things we used to do, to the fact that I am so used to you. Those are some of the reasons that made me stay on. But we changed. You more than me. So now it’s time for me to let go. The little things we used to share is now history. 
Well, it has been wonderful, this chapter of my life, but not so much anymore. It seems I am just holding on to nothing. All we have now are excuses, we are moving on to different things…And that girl you had the other day, well I found out. I did not tell you because I don’t want to mess up our last night together. Today I will light up the scented candles and call you up to spend the night with me. I will fill the bath tub up and we can have a bath together, just like we used to before. I will make your favorite dinner,put on the music you so much enjoy, and put a smile on your face.  I will ask you to bring for me flowers, just like you used to. Just to rekindle what we used to have. For the last time. So that I can hear your hearty laugh once more. So that I can remember how it used to be. Then I will say goodbye. I know I will have tears in my eyes, I know you will try to make me stay. But today, I am intent on moving on. I am intent on telling you that the time has come. Time for me to find myself again. Time for me to be happy again. Time for me to remember how it used to feel…

Not because I don’t love you, but because the time has come to say goodbye…



Not the ONE

Been onto something… Love laden writing let’s say. Courtesy of Sanaipei Tande and Dan Aceda-Not the one song. So true! How do you know when the one you’ve loved for so long is not the one? At what point? After you have shared all those moments you do not picture yourself sharing with anyone else, or after you have been together long enough for you not to imagine yourself with any other person? Is it the fear of being alone that makes you stay, the fear of being on ‘your own’, or the heart break pain that makes you linger on just abit longer?

After all the rain comes sunshine…after all the tears and pain, that you will eventually surface from, there is the smile and joy that will come after...Yes it may take time. And yes it will be painful. But after all that there is rebirth. You will see that there is a reason why. And maybe sometimes it is not worth it. Let go, what you waiting for? If the good times have been replaced by inner torture and turmoil...Then no need J it’s your life, it’s all about you. When it gets to that point, hard as it may be, let it be. Maybe that one who is not the one is one of the frogs you meet on your way to find the prince. Well not prince. But the one! There is no prince as I said in my one of my posts. All those are utopian kinda stuff. What we see on fairy tale, Bollywood and Hollywood movies. Does not happen in real life J
So when the times comes for you to pack your shit and leave, do so. With your head up high, like the woman of substance you are. With optimism!! Cry, scream, and get it all out. But know in the end, the sun will shine so bright. The rain will be long gone. And even when it comes back, it will be sunshine filled. Not the never ending storms. Remember there is a reason why the people in your past don’t make it to your future!!! And in reality, no matter how hard you try to fix a broken relationship; compare it to a broken mirror, you may try to fix it, eventually you might succeed, but you can still see the cracks in the reflection.Well, what you waiting for?!!

Tuesday 24 May 2011

One day....

One day the world will be such a beautiful place for all...One day the sun will shine so bright ...no gloomy clouds will cover all the happiness that cannot be revealed. One day our children will play…FREE. Hearing the Matisyahu Featuring Nameless song: One day...As a member of the human race I wana free my mentality...We are making history…I wana be free...I WANNA!! That coupled with reading on migrants and refugees who live life like they’re in a chicken coop L Yes one day we will all be free. Free from all the hardships and negativities...One day...tomorrow maybe. But will tomorrow ever come?
 People are jailed by their own mentalities, by the social constructions created by society. Migrants are bad; they are thieves, prostitutes…Really? People who don’t even have the freedom to move around, their livelihood and that of their children is just enclosed by the walls in their homes. This sort of confinement that is forced upon them also confines their minds. We all need to be free. With capitalism and all the ideologies created around us, by the powerful, leaves no room, no space, and no freedom for those without the means. We all talk about a means to an end or an end to a means. But what of those who have no means to the end they wish for, or those who have no end to facilitate their means.  The world is for the rich and powerful. Only they have a say. What of the young children who would love to go out and play or study, or just take a trip to Disney land like the other children. The world has instilled fear in them. They cannot, because they are not free. Because let’s say immigration will come for them.  But I say; only God is the powerful power. All other power is no power.

So in my heart I believe that one day, we will all be free. We all have 5.5litres of blood. We all are members of the human race. So one day, one day, maybe, just maybe, we will all be free. And I would love to watch this unravel. I would love to watch people like Anuradha Koirala and Narayanan Krishnan conquer the world. Conquer humanity. One day…..





Sunday 22 May 2011

Silent cries

When I look in the mirror, I don’t know who I am. But I don’t know who u are anymore…ever had such a feeling in your life? Everything perfect just turned haywire. All the good u saw before has all transformed into a feeling u don’t know anymore. And the only thought u have in your mind is keep moving…no turning back…I can do all things through my creator.. He who gives me strength and keeps me going…Forward ever backwards never…

Sad how the world is…I really hadn’t noticed that before. Before, the world seemed perfect to me. After all I have a wonderful mother, loving me unconditionally, always shielding me from the perils of the world. But now as age creeps in, I see the world differently. Unfriendly. A world where women are not of much value. We are just but ornaments …to be seen but not to be heard. I am not a poet, nor am I some very good writer. It’s just one of those moments where u want to speak out...and writing seems to be a perfect means of “sharing”. Women: we carry babies in our wombs for 9months, a job no man can do. Women have hearts of gold, silent cries, tough inside but soft skinned. Women are our mothers, our daughters, sisters and so on. Women are the heavenly creatures that can endure so much suffering just so that the ones they love can have the best. Women are mothers. Mothers bring joy and hope and love their babies unconditionally. No matter what you do, a mother still cares. They will sing when they want to cry, smile when they want to scream. For them, no is not an option when they believe there is a better solution.

Yet…it is these same women who are undermined, degraded and reduced to commodities. It is these same women who are paid less wages for the same job a man does, just because they are women. It is these same mothers, women, who die while giving birth just because they are women. They are just women, who cares anyway? Governments, as much as they may make provisions for these in their laws, they never really follow up to check if less women are now dying while giving birth, during pregnancy or post birth. When my husband rapes me, it is said that it is ok, because I am a woman and I have to submit to the man. But rape is rape isn’t it? When a man rapes a woman, they get fined...read pay peanuts, or get a few months or years in prison. Most women, if not all, who report this matter to the police, they are degraded, asked how it was and so on. Really?? Some cannot report because they fear stigma since they feel they have lost face in society. Really?? But she is the victim here, she got raped. Whatever...is that what a woman is worth?? Their lives are messed up, they are traumatized, they are emotionally and physically wounded but that is not important...after all they are just women. When my husband beats me, it is domestic matters so most people, i.e. police do not want to get involved. He is abusing me; just because I am a woman will I not receive any help? 


On to touchy matters...abortion…I will not say I am pro abortion, neither am I against it..This is how I see things, whether or not the government, society etc allow this, women will still do it. They will go to those street doctors who will just rip them off their money do a shoddy job and kaput…so would you rather a shoddy job done that might lead to death of these women or should they just let them do it in a proper healthy way. NOTE: I am not campaigning for women to keep aborting…I am just saying we should scale the risks of unsafe abortion, provide proper health for women who want to do that and most importantly, provide counseling post abortion. How will the young girls know the perils of abortion if all society does is look down upon it and not talk about it? They need to learn, they need to know. And you need to know that today’s society has changed and that they will do it if they want to. They just need to be counseled and educated then maybe they will reduce.

I was shocked; you can call me ignorant, that the girl child still does not receive education because the boys are favored in society. School the boy who cares about the girl? Women, even young girls are trafficked and sold off to become sex workers, some against their own will. Some even as young as 6…maybe others are younger. Because women are commodities; sell this virgin for 10,000$. It doesn’t matter that her mother is looking for her, it doesn’t matter that she is just 6. It doesn’t matter that the only men she knows are her father and brother and little cousins. It doesn’t matter that she cries and you hit her and force yourself on her, it doesn’t matter that all she wants is her mommy and to have a normal childhood where she can play with her fellow youngsters…because she is just a girl.

 Young girls working in factories in remote areas in the world can only pee once or twice a whole day. No maternal leave, getting pregnant means you might lose your job. A job that pays me less…coz I am woman. If you need menstrual leave, these women, our mothers, sisters, wives, are ashamed by being told to show if they really are on their menses, by men. Is that really what society has reduced our mothers to? And our sons just stand back and watch, because women are just but ornaments. Women getting raped and companies they work for don’t care just because they did not get raped or killed in the company’s grounds. Even governments just let them get away: check border town. Why bother anyway, they are just women!!!




Sex: These two beings: man and woman, differ because of the body parts. Gender: man and woman are defined into niches by society. Gender is what society clusters us in. Defined by society. Imagined communities. Social constructions. Women, the sex with boobs, are beneath men, society thinks of them as children bearers, cooks, whores, cleaners and so on. A woman should not have a voice of her own. She should not stand up to a man. Because that is what society demands. A woman who is successful in most cases, e.g. in movies, is depicted as being lonely, aggressive, bossy, no friends and so on. That is really not the case. It is just because that is what society thinks of women, so movies show that. They show society what they want. I have so many issues I’d like to lay out but I guess or rather hope that my point has passed through. Just because I am a woman, just because I have boobs, does not mean that my needs are beneath yours. Just because I am a woman does not justify me being raped, being beaten, having my children taken away from me. Just because I am woman does not mean that I can be stolen and sold off as though I am a piece of commodity, even when I am just 6. Just because I am a woman does not mean I should heed to your sex calls, and that you beat and rape me in those factories because I will not tell anyone. Because I am a woman, I am your mother, I carried you for 9 months and took care of you after that. I am a woman; I am your daughter, your sister, your wife. And for all these reasons and many more, I am important. I am a woman and I have rights too. We need not be voiceless; our screams need not be silent. Because we are women, and we have rights too!!!!